I have been contemplating whether or not I should write about my Saturday. I don't usually use this forum to talk about my spiritual life. I posted my testimony a couple of weeks ago but that was about it. It's not a part of my life that I really spend that much time on actually. Which I guess is why I want to write about it. this past Saturday, our stake did a Relief Society Social. We got to listen to 5 different speakers talk about different aspects of our life as it relates to the gospel.
The keynote speaker was our Stake President. It's the first time i saw him, because last Stake Conference I laid in bed while Jacob took Kira with him.... He talked about how well we were doing as women, wives and mothers and then he asked what I think is a very important question that I don't think I ever pondered before.
Here it is: "Are we taking advantage of all the gospel blessings there are available for us?" Now, I'm pretty sure I have heard this question before but this is the first time I really pondered what that meant. On the heals of getting an euphony at the temple the week before, it really struck me. I have not been really shy about us trying to have Anderson baby number 2, and the challenges we have had with it. I think I have left out some of the gorier aspects, but overall I have been pretty open about it. Why am I bringing it up in relation to this question? One because it's on my mind often. I feel like sometimes it's all I think about and Two, because children are blessings and a blessing I want again, so what do I have to do to get this blessing?
Is it as simple as doing those basic things - reading my scriptures, praying on my own, not just as a family? Fasting? Cause I don't do those things. Some of those things seem impossible to me. And maybe it is as simple as doing these things... I know that doing these things won't heal my body but how will putting God and our Savior first change my life?
It's odd that I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints since I was 8, been going since birth and I'm just now thinking about this? WHY has it taken me so long? I think part of it was the past year, the question of my faith... is it all true? I now know (again) that it's true and now I want to take advantage of those blessings. So how do I do this?
It's a complicated answer to a pretty uncomplicated question, I need to do these things, these basic things that we talked about in primary every week, these things that I have done sporadically throughout my life to differing degrees. I need to read scriptures on my own, I need to have my individual prayers and let God help me through this because he wants to help me but I need to be humble enough to ask and accept this help.
Funnily enough the other ways to achieve this goal, the goal of claiming all these blessings came through 3 of the other classes. One was given by a sweet older man who cried more than us women did. He said two things that really stuck with me... 1 - Find out who the LORD wants us to be.... and 2 - Things happen in the LORD'S due time. Not ours.
There is a reason this baby hasn't come yet. I don't know what that reason is. I don't know that I will ever know for sure, but I have the faith to do the things I need to do. Go to the Dr and million and a half times, exercise, learn how to eat right, drink that totally Kisskusting (disgusting in Kira talk) stuff so I can get another expensive cat-scan, sacrifice my time to things I may not want to do but should do simply because it is asked of me by my Heavenly Father who has given me so much.
Another answer came to me on Saturday - What is another way to take advantage of all the gospel blessings that are available for us? ANSWER: Modesty - boring right?- that's what I thought too but alas, I did learn something I had never thought about before. I'm a modest person, partly because I'm so darn fat and I don't want people to see more of me that necessary, but also because it is asked of my by the Lord. He has asked me to give up cute little sun-dresses that I would by 1000 of if I could so as to not be so HOT in Vegas. But He has asked us to be modest in dress... but this is the kicker... He has also asked us to be modest in thought and speech and action. I don't know why things hit my last Saturday in a way they haven't before but it struck me... what does it mean to be modest in speech? What does it mean to be modest in action? How can I learn to be these things? I don't totally have the answers to all of these questions BUT some of it is not gossiping, not thinking bad thought about people. I'm a generally a non-judgmental person. Certain situations in my youth taught me pretty quickly how painful gossip, ridicule and judgement can hurt others. But there are some things I have forgotten. Am I modest in speech? I don't know honestly, but it's something I'm going to try to do and hopefully be.
And the other answer I got on Saturday was - oddly enough (or maybe not) in a class about reading our scriptures. The man who taught this class said the following, "Too many of us are living on a plateau and living the lesser portion of the world. It takes effort and sacrifice." And appropriately enough, it was in this last class that I got, not all the answers that I needed, but enough answers to continue in this journey of life. It's also interesting to me that this answer was also part of the epiphany I had in the temple the weekend before. SACRIFICE & EFFORT.
What are we willing to sacrifice for the Lord? What am I willing to sacrifice to "Take advantage of all the gospel blessings there are available for us?" Well, I'm going to find out. So far it's little things, some silly, like giving up my games on Facebook... and guess what, it gives me more time to clean my house and spend with my Boppa-lou-lou. It makes my house a nicer place for my husband to come home to because I actually got off my butt and did something........ I still have a long way to go, I can still waste time on the Internet as well as the next person AND it's just the first step in many to get to the point where I want to be. But this sacrifice and a little bit of effort is just the first step of many I am willing to take. I don't know what all those sacrifices will be, worldly things of that I'm sure. And I'm sure I will never fully get there, I am only human but I know a big part of my journey involves the Lord. I have been having a hard time with this whole new "diet" thing, but i have found if I do my part, the Lord has helped me this week not crave the Mt. Dew... again silly. But a testament to me that if I do my part He will make up the rest (I will still partake on occasion but it's not something I should be drinking everyday). If I turn my troubles, these baby troubles, my parenting troubles, my troubles with my ward, over to Him, He will help me... all I have to do and all you have to do (if you are reading this) is ask and be humble enough to listen. Do I think this will guarantee me a baby - maybe not in the way I was expecting (i.e giving birth to the cute little thing) but I will get him. Of this I have NO DOUBT!
I hope this rambling and no pictures has helped at least the one of you who read (I'm pretty sure only one person actually reads this thing anymore anyway) And if not, at least this will help me come and be reassured of the new direction my path has taken.
p.s - I don't know why the font changes half way through my post - that's just blogger for ya!
6 comments:
This post made me think of something I heard in church once. Most of us would say that we would be willing to DIE for the Savior, but most if us are not asked to do that. We are asked to do simple things, to LIVE for the Savior. Yet, a lot of us have a hard time doing that. Thanks for this post. It really echoes some of the same thoughts I have been having lately.
Good thoughts. I'm glad you wrote this. There are never enough reminders of the true path. I recently downloaded the scriptures on my phone and computer, and it has revlutionized my scripture reading. By the way, you have at least two readers. :)
I think this post is amazing. Thank you. You have reminded me that when I may be feeling lost and forgotten, often it is I who has forgotten.
Isn't it amazing how we can be active members but yet not be doing the small things? I hear ya on that.
It is so funny that you should mention Sacrifice and Effort. I got the conference Ensign the other week and I decided that I was going to start going through it talk by talk. When one Elder spoke about keeping the Sabbath holy, I think L. Tom Perry, I decided to give up the computer on Sundays. It has been so nice to use that time for other things. Even if I'm not getting the baby that I want, when I want....I'm at least getting closer to Heavenly Father and that is making the hard parts a little more bearable.
obviously more than one reader! faith and hope are funny things. they don't make hard things easier, just easier to bear. love you lots xx
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